Inuyasha | Allegiance [6]: Repentance

[luxken27fics]

MASTER SERIES INDEX IS HERE.
Title: Allegiance
Author: LuxKen27
Fandom: Inuyasha
Universe: Canon (Post-manga)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Drama, Romance
Rating: M
Warning(s): Character death, violence
Summary: Strictly-come-canon, post-manga. Kagome is forced to seek out Sesshoumaru's protection in the wake of unexpected tragedy. As she insinuates herself into his life, Sesshoumaru comes to realize her second chance is also his, as her presence drives him to confront mistakes from his own past.

~*~
Not for the first time did he second-guess himself.

He remembered why, the last time he’d faced such an ultimatum from a human girl, he’d rejected it.

Oh, God, the pain in her eyes…

He thought the price he’d paid then – driving Rin away, losing her forever – was beyond a fair punishment.

Now, he wasn’t so sure.

Sesshoumaru lay on his stomach, his head propped slightly on a soft pillow, his hair spilling carelessly over the mattress. A thin sheen of sweat glistened on his skin as he fought to control his breathing, the race of his pulse. Pain ravaged him, blooming up from his chest, coating his back, his neck, arcing across his scalp, pooling behind his eyes.

He had never allowed himself to show weakness in front of his people. It had taken all of his willpower to control his stoic façade in public, but here – at night – in his personal chamber – he would not suffer in silence.

It had been three days. Three days since their blood oath in the meadow. Three days since their return to his – their – holdings, as mates.

Three days of anguish as he fought to control the overwhelming human emotions that now surged through him.

Kagome sat mutely across the room from him, holding her knees to her chest, her gaze unfocused as she stared into the glowing fire pit. It was a familiar stance, one she kept for the duration of their evenings together. He suspected that she stayed behind in the room after he rose each morning, catching her sleep when she could – when she felt safe.

When she was alone.

He wanted to tell her to stop hiding in this place – to go out, face the world, accept the consequences of her actions. It had been her idea, after all.

He should hardly be the only one suffering.

Even now, her emotions ebbed listlessly, from melancholy to fear to loneliness to worry, each flowing indistinctly into the next as she lost herself in her memories.

He was acutely aware of each subtle change in their course. Her emotions came to him not merely as flashes – pointed, urgent, yet mercifully brief – as had been the case with Rin. No, this was proving to be as he’d feared, constant waves of agony crashing down upon him.

He felt everything she felt, heightened to the point of physical pain by his sensitive youki.

Her misery was his misery, and he loathed her for it.

Didn’t she understand? Couldn’t she comprehend what she was doing to him?

If he was to suffer one human’s misery in this world, it should have been Rin’s.

He couldn’t suppress the shuddering moan that ripped through him. He wrapped his mokomoko tighter around his body, finding some measure of relief settled against its luxurious fur, as his youki battled with her human blood. He exhaled deeply as a wave of feverish heat rolled over his body.

He could only hope that the worst had already passed.

His youki was chipping away tirelessly at the recklessness of her aura. Soon, it would win, finding a way to control or suppress these feelings so he could return to his normal state of being: balanced. Cold. Calculating.

Another swell of fear surged over him as he heard Kagome stand and move towards him. He squeezed his eyes shut, clutching mokomoko tightly, his breathing laborious as she approached, full of hesitation and uncertainty.

“Sesshoumaru?” she whispered tentatively, kneeling beside the bed.

He opened his eyes, piercing her with a golden blaze of unadulterated disgust. He didn’t bother to hide the obviousness of his pain from her, but as she gazed back at him, he found himself torn between lashing out in anger and curling up in exhaustion.

She reached out to him, laying a hand on his shoulder. Her touch proved instantly cool and calming, dispersing the heaviness of his despair, soothing the rush of his heartbeat.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“You realize that this is all your fault,” he muttered derisively.

She nodded, taking a deep breath, her fingers splaying over his skin.

As her aura stilled, his youki flared, filling the room with an icy chill.

He eyed her carefully as she stroked his back. After a long moment, he leashed his energy once more, furrowing deeper against his pelt, his eyes slipping shut as the first signs of deep relaxation seeped over his exhausted body.

He had almost forgotten she was even there, until she uttered the last sentence he ever expected to hear:

“Tell me what happened to Rin.”

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