luxken27fics | Inuyasha | Allegiance [17]: Consolation

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Title: Allegiance
Author: LuxKen27
Fandom: Inuyasha
Universe: Canon (Post-manga)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Drama, Romance
Rating: M
Warning(s): Character death, violence
Summary: Strictly-come-canon, post-manga. Kagome is forced to seek out Sesshoumaru's protection in the wake of unexpected tragedy. As she insinuates herself into his life, Sesshoumaru comes to realize her second chance is also his, as her presence drives him to confront mistakes from his own past.

~*~
Sesshoumaru heaved a heavy sigh, his shoulders dropping as, finally, he entered his private quarters. It had been a very long and trying day – but then, battles always were. His side had emerged victorious in the end; his men had spent the better part of the evening in celebration, burning off their displaced adrenaline and aggression. As their leader and commander, he had joined in the festivities, but he also realized when it was time to take his leave.

After all, a taiyoukai never displayed his weakness in front of his people.

He wasn’t surprised when, upon entering their shared bedchamber, he found Kagome fast asleep on the bed. If anyone had suffered more than him during their war with the holy human warriors, it was her. Left vulnerable in battle, she had been captured and spellbound by the enemy leader, bait in a trap set to ensnare and ultimately kill him. They had survived, thanks to her actions, but unlike his warriors, she reacted as if she’d been dealt a crushing blow instead of engineering a triumphant victory.

She had not been welcome at the celebratory feast with his men.

Sesshoumaru moved across the room on silent feet, absently going through his nightly routine. He still hadn’t fully recovered from the monk’s attack; anytime he came that close to transformation, it took a lot out of him. The days to follow would be almost as difficult to get through as the battle itself – he would need time: time to recover his full strength, time to deal with his men and the aftermath of their victory, time to assess the tenuous human-youkai situation and in what ways, if any, this skirmish had altered relations.

He looked forward to none of this – diplomacy was not exactly his forte – but most of all, he knew dealing with his men would be the hardest part. As much as they deserved praise and accolades for their part in his victory, there was also punishment to be dealt. None had protected his ultimate asset in this fight against a high holy monk and his comrades, too proud – or resentful – to recognize the part she had to play. By shunning her, allowing her to be captured, they had allowed him to be captured.

And that was absolutely unacceptable.

He demanded many things from his men, it was true, but above all – he demanded loyalty.

To him, and his family.

Family, he mused silently, slipping into a light yukata, adorned at the shoulder with his father’s crest. My mate.

It was still difficult for him to think of Kagome in those terms, but even he couldn’t deny the shift in their dynamic that had occurred after that horrific attack. Almost against his will, he’d allowed her in, to grow closer to his jealously-protected heart. He supposed he owed her nothing less; after all, she had saved him. Still, it was not familiar or comfortable territory; his first instinct was still to turn away and shut her out, a habit he’d held since his father’s death all those years ago.

“Oh!”

The cry cut through his reverie; he turned, noticing Kagome had wrenched herself awake. She tossed the blankets to the side of the bed and sat up, burying her face in her hands, sobbing quietly. Her entire body was shaking, almost shivering, and the keen scent of sweat met his nose. Before he realized he was moving, he closed the space between them, finding himself in front of her, reaching out for one of her shoulders.

“I can’t stop seeing it,” she blubbered, responding to the warmth of his touch. “All that blood – that sickening crack of bone – ”

She choked on her words, leaning forward, her hair falling over her face. “I killed a man.”

He sank down beside her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. Her pain and anguish poured over him, but instead of allowing the emotions to overwhelm him, he corralled them, not willing to give in and let the stream of feelings feast on his own dark memories.

“Does it always feel this way?” she whispered after a moment, wiping her face with her hands.

“You have to understand the weight of life in order to understand the weight of war,” he murmured. It had been a harrowing lesson for him to learn as well, driven to the depths of hell and back in pursuit of power. “Only then will you be truly able to wield your weapon with a compassionate heart.”

“Where’s the compassion in killing a monk?” she asked, clearly recalling to mind the one who had travelled with his brother’s group during the hunt for Naraku.

“This is the same man who murdered your husband,” he reminded her. “I do not understand how you could feel remorse for causing his demise.”

She shrugged helplessly. “Because I’m a healer, not a killer,” she said bleakly. “Because I’m a human being, and so was he.”

Sesshoumaru quirked a brow at her reasoning, but didn’t feel compelled to argue over it just now. “I only regret that we were not able to recover your weapon,” he replied. The blade of the specially-commissioned wakizashi had broken in two while still buried in the monk’s back, a testament to the force she’d used in wielding it.

This statement had an unintended consequence, bringing a fresh round of tears to her eyes. “That, too,” she sniffled, reaching for his free hand, lacing her fingers through his. “Oh, God, I feel like I’ve let you down. I mean, it’s the first tangible gift you gave me, and for such a special reason, and I couldn’t even – ”

He cut her off abruptly, pressing his mouth to hers, lingering through the shiver of surprise that shot down her spine, before gently pulling away. Her eyes searched his for the space of a breath.

“What was that for?” she asked, confusion ripe in her tone.

He furrowed a brow as he studied her. “That is how humans offer their mates comfort, yes?”

Her expression faded into a small smile, her eyes closing as her arms drifted around his neck. “Yes,” she returned, drawing her lips to his once more.

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