luxken27fics | Inuyasha | Allegiance [12]: Thaw

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Title: Allegiance
Author: LuxKen27
Fandom: Inuyasha
Universe: Canon (Post-manga)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Drama, Romance
Rating: M
Warning(s): Character death, violence
Summary: Strictly-come-canon, post-manga. Kagome is forced to seek out Sesshoumaru's protection in the wake of unexpected tragedy. As she insinuates herself into his life, Sesshoumaru comes to realize her second chance is also his, as her presence drives him to confront mistakes from his own past.

~*~
Sesshoumaru awoke, opening his eyes and taking a deep breath as he greeted the morning. His mind was immediately alert as his senses roared to life, meeting and filtering each new sensation as it permeated the stillness of the room: the soft glow of light streaming through the window, the cool breeze wafting through the drafty walls, a distant bird’s morning call. He felt completely relaxed and at peace, curled in the comforting circle of mokomoko, as if waking from the best night of sleep that he’d ever experienced.

He would need his every wit about him; it was merely the calm before the storm. Those strange holy warriors had been spotted again, stalking the perimeter of his lands, and they would have to be dealt with sooner rather than later. He scowled as he stared up at the ceiling of his bedchamber, displeased at being assailed by a memory of the day before, when Kagome had been confronted with their odd but effective weapon. She’d claimed it had been the cause of Inuyasha’s death, and that did not sit well with him.

No, it had only confirmed his suspicions.

This was not the first time a group of ambitious but impudent humans had come sniffing around his holdings, looking for a fight. If they were stupid enough to settle in youkai territory, he could summon no sympathy for their plight when they were caught up in the wars of his kind. It was not, and never would be, at the forefront of his planning to take into consideration the humans who stood in the way of his empire’s inevitable expansion; he fought his battles against fellow taiyoukai, all others be damned.

Humans, however, were nothing if not resilient. Those villages, left in tatters following bouts of youkai sparring, had taken to summoning these holy men with the purified weaponry. Stories circulated amongst the generals, turning these none-so-special humans into legends, wielding their purified shot and poison powder with great effectiveness against youki-rich swords and arrows. However, the only confirmed reports of deaths that reached his ears were deaths of hanyous. It was no surprise, perhaps, given their comparatively weaker bodies and wills…besides, hanyous were considered no great loss to the youkai community. Indeed, Sesshoumaru hadn’t given the oddly powerful humans or their targeted hanyous much thought –

– until they brought it to his door.

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes, turning his attention away from the ceiling in an attempt to corral his thoughts. What need do I have for reminiscence, he mused, when the threat is imminent? The time to act is now, before they gain the strength to engage my men in serious warfare. Managing to slay a hanyou as powerful as Inuyasha had, no doubt, given them the confidence they needed to turn their attention back to the more powerful class of youkai, but it was time to show these humans for the fools they were, in choosing to return to his holdings.

Sesshoumaru made to rise, reluctant though he was to leave the warmth and peace of this private moment, only to find himself half-pinned to the mattress by a slight, but solid, weight. He glanced down, his heart warming and his muscles relaxing as he took in the sight of his mate at his side, burrowed between his body and the luxurious fur of his heirloom pelt, her head nestled in the crook of his shoulder and one arm resting across his chest. He closed his eyes, unleashing some portion of his youki to seek out her aura. Contentment ebbed into the back of his mind in response, sending a wave of pleasure rolling down his spine.

His lips curled up into a slight smile as he cracked his eyes open once more. Her face was buried in the sleeve of his yukata, leaving only the tousled waves of the ebony silk of her hair visible to his keen gaze. If he tilted his head, and squinted just right, she so resembled his beloved Rin, especially in those last weeks of her life…

His eyes slipped shut as the memories assailed him. He’d returned to his brother’s village shortly after the miko’s return, surprised but strangely pleased to hear of Rin’s request to accompany him once again. She had grown into a lovely young woman by then, mature enough to bear children and thus, mature enough to make a decision about her future. He’d indulged her wish to be at his side once more, bringing her back to his recently re-conquered childhood home. He had every intention of finding her a suitable mate, but was content to have her under his guardianship in the meanwhile.

He should have realized it sooner, of course. The warning signs were all there: the suddenly shy looks and stained cheeks where once only childish smiles had resided; the need to follow him endlessly across his estates; the sudden pricks of distinctly human emotion that stabbed at him whenever she looked his way. He resisted and denied, coolly cutting down anyone who dared suggest he was making his father’s mistake by bringing her back into his life. She was his responsibility – nothing more, nothing less.

Or so he thought.

But she was not to be deterred, and she had always known his heart. One day, matters had all come to a head: she had kissed him and called him darling and begged to bear his child, and he’d reacted the only way he knew how – by rejecting her coldly, cruelly, declaring he would never take a human for a mate, or even a whore. She had been absolutely crushed by his reaction, and it was the last he’d seen of her – she’d fled into the night, unable to stay with him, knowing she could never have him.

He had searched for her, of course, scouring the countryside and even returning to the human village near Edo, but she was nowhere to be found. After months of fruitless inquiries, word finally reached him of her whereabouts…but by the time he found her, she was dead, along with her hanyou baby, slain by means of purified shot and poison powder.

He had analyzed these memories countless times before, cataloguing and examining each mistake he’d made along the way. It was he who had driven her away from the safety of his house and the strength of his protection, in a foolish bid to not follow in his father’s footsteps. It was he who was to be blamed for her untimely demise, for not reaching her time – for failing to revive her, though the power of Tenseiga had long ago been rendered useless in her case. It was he who was to blame for her life being cut short, for causing her such pain that she’d sought solace in the arms of another, only to be abandoned in her desperation.

He had acknowledged it, accepted it, and paid penance for it. He had given her the respect in death that he no longer could in life, laying her to rest alongside the original tomb of his father.

And he had moved on with his life, burying the regrets of the past and forging ahead, relentless in his pursuit of power, the inevitable progress of an empire he was destined to build and rule over.

And yet, on this quiet morning so many years later, reliving those memories was somehow different for him. For the very first time, he felt the loss to the very core of his being, ravaged with pain, and sorrow, and guilt, and despair as the sequences played over and over in his mind. So clearly could he still remember the softness of her lips when she’d kissed him, the love and shy longing in her gaze as she pledged her love and desire to be with him. So clearly could he still see the absolute desolation in her eyes when he balked at her, pulling away and shattering her dreams of marriage and family. So clearly now did he feel the anguish of arriving too late to save her, finding her bloody and lifeless body strewn across an open field, some other youkai’s child still pressed to her chest...

He forced his eyes to open, blinking rapidly as he exhaled sharply, these memories triggering an internal war. An overwhelming tide of emotion churned in his stomach, and for once, he felt helpless to stop it. His youki was active and fighting, but the unleashed waves of regret were too strong, surging through the floodgates after being held at bay for so long.

Never before had he truly admitted to himself just how much he had loved her, and just how much he still missed her and mourned her.

Never before had he felt so distinctly vulnerable, on the utter edge of collapse. For all his strength of mind, ability to order and contain and plan his every move meticulously, he felt completely out of control.

The ice had thawed and broken through.

As the internal struggle raged on, Kagome stirred to life beside him. Almost immediately, he felt a rush of soothing serenity descend upon him, banishing the army of passions churning against his youki. She glanced up at him with wide, inquiring eyes, silently assessing his distress, before sliding her arms around his waist and pressing herself close once more.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, the words reverberating against his chest, further dispelling any lingering unease.

He found his voice, swallowing past the lump that had built up in his threat. “For what?” he asked, reaching for the ends of mokomoko, twisting and twining his fingers through the fur to gain an additional measure of comfort.

“For giving you the means to suffer,” she replied with a sigh.

She sat up slightly, meeting his incredulous gaze with a knowing glance, answering the question before he had the chance to ask:

“I had a dream.”

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